He’s giving me mixed signals; it’s so frustrating.

No, my dear, what’s frustrating is the fact that you are so amazing, yet wasting your time with someone who isn’t into you at all. Mixed signals do not exist. It is a concept that people, who can’t tell whether or not a prospect is interested or not, bemoan.

Newsflash: If you can’t tell, it almost always means that the person is not interested – and you should view that as a clear signal, not a foggy one. Whether we are looking for something casual or a serious relationship, inconsistency and supposed mixed signals bother most of us.

To me, deciphering mixed signals simply sounds like a whole lot of wasted time and effort – especially if they don’t really exist and you are failing to see the bigger picture. Here are six reasons why there is no such thing as mixed signals in the dating world:

1. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

If someone’s words (or text messages) lead you to believe that he or she is into you, but the actions prove otherwise, listen to the actions.


Do not let yourself get confused because someone said “Hey gorgeous, I’d love to see you sometime soon” but the person doesn’t actually ever make plans to see you. Actions speak louder than words.


2. Players Only Love You When They’re Playing

This point sort of speaks for itself. A female or male player might pretend to be interested in you or even pretend to care about you because he or she might have some sort of ulterior motive.

If someone is playing you, it can create a false sense of intimacy. Eventually, the true colors will show and it will be around that time when you start complaining about mixed signals.

Most of the time, you can spot these types a mile away; always listen to your instincts because you should be able to tell if someone is genuine or not. Again, consider the actions if you need proof, one way or another.


3. When You Know, You Know

When someone is really interested in you, you will know. It will be clear. There will not be mixed signals. When this happens, it will feel effortless, natural and easy.

The anxiety sustained from wondering and waiting will be nonexistent. You will hear from this person often and you will not feel played.


4. Inconsistency Is Not Something You Should Deal With

Whether you’re looking for something casual or something more serious, if someone is inconsistent with you and it is bothering you, move on.

For example, if someone you’re interested in contacts you on a regular basis and then drops off the face of the earth for a few weeks and then repeats the same cycle, try not to get too frustrated. Simply do not invest any more of your time.

In poker terms, fold. “Mixed signals” such as these are not worth your time and effort.


5. Most People Don’t Want To Put All Of Their Eggs In One Basket

You may be confusing mixed signals with someone who is simply not focused on just you. From time to time, this person’s focus drifts to the other people he or she is seeing – and that’s simply this person’s prerogative.

Unless you’re looking for a relationship, you should accept that the focus won’t always be on you, at all times.


6. The Secret Lover Is Not A Thing

If someone is all about you in private, but is reluctant to introduce you to his or her friends or family or take you out in public, there could be trouble in paradise.

If someone can’t show any affection whatsoever unless you’re alone, that’s not mixed signals, that’s just a red flag.

This article, written by Erica Gordon, was originally published on Elite Daily.

Photo Courtesy: Forgetting Sarah Marshall film


About The Author

Erica Majored in Psychology at UBC and has since followed her passion for writing and journalism. After working at one of the world's largest dating sites for a few years, she began contributing dating advice to publications such as Elite Daily, AskMen and Vancity Buzz. It wasn't long before she decided to start her own dating advice column, The Babe Report. The rest is history. Follow her on Instagram @ericaleighgordon or on Facebook at facebook.com/thebabereport

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5 Responses

  1. chuniee1104@yahoo.com'
    Jessica

    Dear Erica,

    Hi, i would like to ask a few points, but before that, let me brief a little bit.
    we are living in different city which is required him to drive 2 hours to meet me, and he is foreigner in my country.
    from your point of Action talks louder, he seldom send me texts or even just reply a simple text while we are texting, i accidentally saw when we were hang out, he reply other girl message not as simple as mine. but he come to meet me every weekend. he had to work half day on saturday and he come meet me at night then spent whole sunday together before he went back to his dorm.
    these few weeks i got the feeling of “women instinct” that kind of feeling when your man cheated on you or doing something behind your back. is this instinct kinda true? cos i kinda sense there is other woman.
    we are not in secret relationship, even thou we are not BF/GF yet(i hope soon), i meet his colleagues and hang out mall to mall and other places.
    so what are this signal means?
    cos when i ask him about us, he said he don’t know and don’t want me to think serious. i had ask him if he had other girl and he said no, well i kinda believe cos he (i don’t know how to explain, but i can feel) can be trust for not being a liar.
    and one occasion, i ask him will he meet other girl when he is with me, he said he can, but whether i allowed it or not and when i said no, his answer is, ok, i wouldn’t do it.
    so? could you help me to figure out?

    Reply
  2. feliciayoung5678@hotmail.com'
    felicia

    Dear Erica,

    I have this male friend whom I known him for many years. He was a really good friend until he confessed to me many years ago. But I rejected him right away thinking we were best friends.

    However, when I met him again after that, I felt something different… We hang out again as friends again and I kept thinking about him. He will message me once a while and whenever he comes back for holiday he will definitely call me out for tea or movie. I can feel there is chemistry between us. He even asked me to sneeze on his new perfume which he tried on his clothes and neck but nothing more…

    The thing is, he will message me once a week or so, he even bought me birthday present and message me privately on my birthday…When we hang out and people asked about our status he will just replied “friend”. I was pretty hurt to hear that but I pretend to act normal…

    I wish to ask him about our status but I afraid this will jeopardize our current friendship. Is he into me ? or just being friendly???

    I used to be in a serious relationship before this but was hurt real badly…..I am kinda afraid to be hurt again…please help me….

    Reply
  3. feliciayoung5678@hotmail.com'
    felicia

    Dear Erica,

    I have this male friend whom I known him for many years. He was a really good friend until he confessed to me many years ago. But I rejected him right away thinking we were best friends.

    However, when I met him again after that, I felt something different… We hang out again as friends again and I kept thinking about him. He will message me once a while and whenever he comes back for holiday he will definitely call me out for tea or movie. I can feel there is chemistry between us. He even asked me to sneeze on his new perfume which he tried on his clothes and neck…

    The thing is, he will message me once a week or so, he even bought me birthday present and message me privately on my birthday…When we hang out and people asked about our status he will just replied “friend”. I was pretty hurt to hear that but I pretend to act normal…

    I wish to ask him about our status but I afraid this will jeopardize our current friendship. Is he into me ? or just being friendly???

    I was hurt badly in a serious relationship and afraid to be hurt again…

    Reply

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