Hi, my name is Myles Scott and I am a former f*ckboy. I used women to fill a void created by my insecurities for most of my adult life. I led women on while never making my intentions known. I slept with – and hurt – countless women.
I’m here to confess why I was a player, and I’m about to guide you inside the mind of a fuckboy – a place very few women have access to.
A fuckboy would never be able to explain his behavior even if he wanted to, because he has very little self-awareness or emotional intelligence. Without an internal perspective, the fuckboy’s mind can only be speculated upon – until now. After a suicidal depression and an intense transformation, I awakened to how my identity was formed, and how my former fuckboy behavior affected both myself and the women I’d hurt.
Ladies, this puts you in an interesting position, because for the first time ever, as far as I know, you now have access to information that was once inaccessible. Grab your girlfriends, because this former fuckboy is about to reveal some hard truths that might change your perceptions forever.
My Behavior Stemmed from a Lack of Self-Worth
We’re hardwired as humans to seek acceptance and connection with others. In order to become accepted, I modified my behavior over the years to “fit in”. All positive reactions reinforced the actions I took to get them. Sleeping with many women elicited praise from my male peers which, in turn, provided me with a sense of value relative to my environment. This conditioned me to believe I needed female attention to feel good about myself.
I Validated Myself at the Expense of Women
My behavior was all an act to find my worth. Once I created a version of myself that provided “positive” feedback, my ego desperately clung to it in order to associate myself with feelings of worthiness. I used women to validate myself. Their purpose was to constantly reassure me of my value relative to the perceptions in my environment, but I never had the self-awareness or emotional intelligence to realize it was only an illusion and would therefore never lead to genuine self-love.
My Behavior as a Former Fuckboy Stunted My Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence
As a man trying to find his worth in the world, I felt the need to adopt a mask of “strength”. To protect this image, I avoided anything that could possibly make me feel “weak”.
Emotions? WTF are those? Get those outta here!
It was a pure “avoidance” mentality, and because I avoided processing my emotions, I couldn’t understand them. Because I couldn’t understand them, I couldn’t understand myself and what made me whole, nor could I understand women and their emotions!
Self-awareness and the willingness to be seen are essential for intimate connections because you can only meet others as deeply as you’ve met yourself. If you’re hiding from emotions – and hiding from yourself – you’ll never meet yourself deeply at all.
I trained myself to run away from my emotions, which led to avoiding other things too. I ran from “difficult” conversations, jobs, and people that contradicted or challenged the identity I so desperately wanted to perceive myself to be.
My Greatest Fear was Being Exposed to My Insecurities
I lived in denial. I’d convinced myself of how “strong” I was and never desired to question myself. Having insecurities made me “weak”, and If anyone contradicted my strength, it was an attack on who I felt like I was at my core or in the very essence of my being. I didn’t know it was because I wasn’t self-aware, but this mask I wore wasn’t who I truly was. It was just so strongly integrated into who I felt like I was, and I’d get defensive if anyone tried to challenge my perception of myself. Not being who I thought I was, was the greatest threat to my existence.
The Only Women That Could Get Me To Commit Were The Ones That Inflated The Fuck Out of My Ego
As a former fuckboy, I’d only ever consider a relationship if she invoked jealousy in all my peers. If she made me feel superior to other people just by being in a relationship with me. Sadly, her external beauty mixed with my insecurities made for disastrous cycles of jealousy.
No Matter How Beautiful or Caring She Was, It Was Never Enough
The need for external validation beckoned. Always. The insecurities ran deep, and no matter how beautiful or caring she was, no matter how many of my needs she met, it was never enough. I constantly sought female attention elsewhere, constantly entertained conversations with women that weren’t my girlfriend, constantly lusted after other women, and never saw any issues with my behavior whatsoever. That was me, take it or leave it.
No One Could Have Changed Me
People don’t change because YOU want them to. They change because THEY want to. Because the pain of remaining the same is greater than the fear of the unknown, the fear of challenging their own identity, the fear of the perceived pain of change.
No amount of external pressure could force me to change when I wasn’t ready. I had to willingly dive within myself and question every ounce of my being. I had to accept that there was a discrepancy between who I thought I was and what my actions genuinely said about me. I had to admit how insecure I really was, and that I used women to fill a void created by my insecurities.
View this post on Instagram
Unfortunately, it took an extremely traumatic breakup which caused me to spiral downward into a dangerous suicidal depression to get to the point where I finally challenged my identity. Without something more painful than the perceived pain of change, I’d have never felt the need to alter the course of my life.
Unlearning years of toxic behaviors and thought patterns was difficult to say the least. Instead of relying on other people to validate me, I had to kill the parts of my identity that needed them, the parts that restricted me from loving myself and others, and I quickly discovered how many layers of inauthenticity I had to shed.
Over the years, I formed my identity based on a collection of other people’s perceptions of me. I created an image of myself that I projected outward in order to become accepted in whatever new environments I entered, thus creating the mask I wore until a traumatic breakup caused a suicidal depression and forced me to question everything I ever thought about myself.
After an intense self-transformation, which, in fact, will never end because we’re always growing and evolving, I learned how to develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence. I learned how to become happy internally and fearless in my truth. I learned how to become accepting, understanding, compassionate, and forgiving, and because I could do it for myself, I could do it for others as well. I learned how to truly love myself and others.
My goal now is to help men like my former self overcome the same issues and learn how to love themselves and others without them having to reach rock-bottom like I did. I aspire to help women derive their self-worth from within to raise the bar for how they deserve to be treated, and if enough women join the movement, men, on the simplest, most biological level, will have no choice but to evolve in order to find a mate.
About the Author:
Riddled with insecurities growing up, Myles Scott became what’s known by society today as a fuckboy. Even when he grew older and thought that phase of his life was behind him, he still carried with him many toxic behaviors and thought patterns that were never addressed.
After a traumatic relationship ended, with no sense of self worth or identity, Myles spiraled downward into a dangerous depression, consumed with thoughts of suicide. Through sheer willpower, and a process he created called “The Reclamation”, this former fuckboy broke the chains that shackled his heart and mind.
His healing process forced his ego to kneel before his heart and he discovered not only his toxicities and how to fix them, but he also identified the causes of personal and relational issues that affect a majority of the population.
In his debut book, DTF: Death to F*ckboys, he shares his raw truth without fear in a conversational storytelling format. It highlights how his f*ckboy identity was formed, sexcapades that objectified women, issues he caused in relationships that he was blind to, and shares with readers “The Reclamation” – the healing process that rewired his brain to think and act from a source of truth and love rather than fear and ego.
The book is not just a tell-all memoir written from the perspective he had while he was a f*ckboy. It is also a wake-up call to society. Herein lies clarity around the deeper issues that cause the majority of us to live from a source of fear and ego rather than truth and love. These deeper issues affect each and every one of us individually, in different ways, and they restrict our ability to form genuine connections and healthy relationships. The message in this book transcends the story of his f*ckboy identity and can be applied to any and all who have been caught in the deceptive web of fear regardless of whether or not they recognize it.
Myles desires to bring awareness to the social issues that corrupt our souls. He aims to help men overcome the same issues he did, and help women collectively raise the bar for how they deserve to be treated. He is an advocate for mental health awareness and suicide prevention and is garnering support to start a movement to change the collective mindset on self-love, dating, and relationships. Follow Myles on Instagram @myleswrites and join the movement.
Like this article? Give it a share and Like us on Facebook for more modern dating advice!