It’s easy for your partner to get away with cheating … unless, of course, you happen to know exactly what red flags to watch for. People are getting more and more creative these days when it comes to hiding their infidelities, but that doesn’t mean you can’t catch on. There may be apps that help the cheater hide their naughty texts and photos, but a smart person will realize any changes in behavior or patterns. I’ve been on both ends of the cheating curve. I’ve been cheated on … and I’ve been the culprit too, I won’t lie. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way that may help you stop being so naïve:
1. Their answers are indirect. Subtle beating around the bush is always a red flag, and most of us can see right through it. Maybe he or she thinks that by not directly answering, they’re avoiding lying? Right.
2. When you call, they text you back. If he or she texts instead of calling all the time, that could be a bad sign. If you call and they don’t answer, but then quickly text back, be weary.
3. He or she is always ‘busy’ but never tells you what they’re busy doing. Watch out for the ones who always say they’re busy, but never really specify with whom or what or why. The overly-mysterious tend to have something to hide.
4. If they pick fights with you, then storm out. When he or she suddenly seems to be angry towards you, and the fights seem to be picked on purpose, there could be a reason. They want an excuse to be angry, storm out on you, and go do someone else.
5. If he or she is secretive about their finances, or spending lots of cash. If he or she didn’t used to ever have cash in their wallet or take cash out of bank machines, but now suddenly they do, it could be to pay for dates with the ‘others’ without it coming up on credit card statements. Basically, if there’s any change in any sort of financial pattern, something might be up.
6. If your partner is suddenly improving his or her appearance. Are they suddenly hitting the gym all the time, but they never used to work out much? Are they changing their clothing or appearance in other ways? It could be that they’re trying to impress someone new, not trying to impress you.
7. When they don’t invite you to their work parties. Are you noticing a pattern of many “work functions” with no invite? Or, were you invited to their staff parties before, but not anymore? Maybe they’re into someone at work, and don’t want you there screwing up their flirting game.
8. They seem defensive or tense over simple questions. You: “Did you have lunch at that new place downtown? I’ve been wanting to check it out, what did you have to eat?” Partner: “Why are you always questioning me!?” Shit like that.
9. They seem to be using their phone a lot more often. Are they texting a lot more these days? Or now following a bunch of new ridiculously good-looking people on Instagram?
10. They don’t seem to want or need sex from you. This is a huge sign to be worried. If they aren’t getting it or wanting it from you, they might very well be getting it from someone else.
11. If your partner is receiving lots of texts from unsaved numbers or names you don’t recognize. One time I was being bad and texting another guy, but I saved his name as a made-up woman’s name to be sneaky. So, the question is, do you recognize the names? There’s usually a skeptical reason for every new “Charlie”, “Casey” or “Jamie” that’s added into their phone as a new “guy” or “girl” friend from work. Beware of the new gender neutral names programmed into your partner’s phone. There’s also usually a reason a person doesn’t save a number. Just saying.
12. They’re suddenly extra-clean. They’re suddenly keeping their car really clean, suddenly changing the sheets often or suddenly excessively showering. All are red flags. This could be their way of removing any signs of the other person, vacuuming up hair strands and washing off scents.
13. If he’s guarding his phone like the winning lottery ticket. If he keeps his phone face down on the coffee table, then when it buzzes picks it up and reads his incoming texts in a manner that shows he doesn’t want you to see what he’s reading, something’s definitely up. If he tries to brush it off as though it’s just his “mom” and yet he’s giddy … it’s probably not his mama.