Cheating is unfortunately extremely common, and it’s quite easy for your partner to get away with being unfaithful – unless you happen to know the red flags and warning signs to watch for. Cheaters are getting more and more creative these days when it comes to hiding their infidelities, but you’re smart enough to catch on, and your intuition usually isn’t wrong. When somebody you’re dating pretends you’re the only one when you’re not, or leads you to believe it’s just you when there are others, it hurts like hell. Sometimes it’s the fact that you were lied to and deceived that hurts you more than the actual thought of them physically being with someone else. What hurts even more, however, is to be cheated on by a long-term partner who you’ve really grown to trust. According to research, 1 in 4 men and almost 1 in 5 women admit to cheating on their partners. And those are just the number of men and women who admitted to it in the study. Another study on married couples suggested that 50 – 60% of married men have cheated on their wives, and 45 – 55% of married women have cheated on their husbands. Yes, men have a slightly higher rate of cheating. The fact that cheating is so common leaves most of us feeling surprised when we see how naïve some people in relationships are. Although there are apps that help the cheater hide their naughty texts and photos, an intelligent person can still recognize questionable behaviors or a strange change in patterns.
1. If your partner is suddenly improving his or her appearance. When a couple is comfortable with each other, they don’t feel as strong of a need to keep up their appearance. It’s natural to let your appearance slide a bit if you’re in a happy and loving relationship. So, is your partner suddenly paying attention to their appearance more and becoming more attractive, don’t take that too lightly. Are they suddenly hitting the gym all the time, but they never used to work out much? Are they changing their clothing or appearance in other ways? Are they getting their hair done more often? It could be that they’re trying to impress someone new, not trying to impress you.
2. They leave the house looking fantastic. Speaking of looking really good all of a sudden, if your partner is leaving the house to run an ‘errand’ looking fantastic, that could definitely be a red flag.
3. Their answers are indirect. Subtle beating around the bush is always a red flag, and most of us can see right through it. Maybe he or she thinks that by not directly answering, they’re avoiding lying? If the cheater is uncomfortable lying, it makes sense why they’d purposely give you vague and indirect answers when you inquire about their whereabouts. They might even avoid you or pretend to be busy, so that they don’t have to answer your questions.
4. They’ve started texting a lot more, and calling a lot less. It’s easy to get a quick text out, even if you’re currently with the other woman (or other man). When you call, do they text you back? If he or she texts instead of calling all the time, that could be a bad sign. If you call and they don’t answer, but then quickly text back, be weary. In general, it’s a bad sign if you can’t seem to get them on the phone or on FaceTime very often, yet texting is no problem.
5. If he or she is secretive about their finances, or spending lots of cash. If he or she didn’t used to ever have cash in their wallet or take cash out of bank machines, but now suddenly they do, it could be to pay for dates with the ‘others’ without it coming up on credit card statements. Basically, if there’s any change in any sort of financial pattern, something might be up.Too many things nowadays can leave a paper trail, one that’s easily accessed by online banking. That’s why people having affairs prefer to use cash, according to Long Island private detective Darren Giglio. Is your partner suddenly withdrawing cash when before they always used card? You have to wonder what extra-curricular activities that money is going toward.
6. They no longer fight with you. Has it been months since you argued about anything? Sounds peaceful, doesn’t it? Wrong! A partner who doesn’t care about you anymore won’t sweat problems, big or small. Instead, they will disengage from the relationship entirely. This leaves your partner wide open to make a connection with someone new. If your partner is cheating on you, they likely won’t feel right about picking fights with you about smaller misdemeanors that don’t compare to the big misdemeanor of cheating.
7. But if they do pick fights with you, it’s so that they can then storm out and get away from you. When he or she suddenly seems to be angry towards you, and the fights seem to be picked on purpose, there could be a reason. They want an excuse to be angry, storm out on you, and go do someone else. While they’re pretending they’re just ‘cooling off’ from your fight, they’re really off with whoever they’re cheating with.
8. They’re suddenly extra-clean. They’re suddenly keeping their car really clean, suddenly changing the sheets often or suddenly excessively showering. All are red flags. This could be their way of removing any signs of the other person, vacuuming up hair strands and washing off scents.
9. They start encouraging you to have hobbies and a social life. If your partner suddenly couldn’t be happier to see you out of the house enjoying a social life, or seems more annoyed when you’re lounging around at home, this is a warning sign. It makes you wonder why they want you out of your shared space so badly. Their newfound support of your hobbies may just be a way to keep you from uncovering their new hobbies!
10. If they’re guarding his phone like the winning lottery ticket. If he or she keeps his phone face down on the coffee table, then when it buzzes picks it up and reads his incoming texts in a manner that shows he doesn’t want you to see what he’s reading, something’s definitely up. If he tries to brush it off as though it’s just his “mom” and yet he’s giddy … it’s probably not his mama. It’s also a bad sign if they’re keeping their phone in an iron grip 24/7. Clearly, there are things they don’t want you to read or see.
11. They seem to be using their phone a lot more often. Are they texting a lot more these days? Or now following a bunch of new ridiculously good-looking people on social media? That could be a sign that they’re pursuing other options, swiping right on Tinder, and looking to cheat.
12. They don’t seem to want or need sex from you. This is a huge sign to be worried. If they aren’t getting it or wanting it from you, they might very well be getting it from someone else. And, if they’re less interested in getting it from you, it might be because they’ve become more interested in getting it from someone else.
13. They seem to be suffering from low self-esteem. If your partner seems to have low self-esteem, a lot of self-doubt, or low confidence, where do you think they’ll get an ego boost? That’s right. They’ll often cheat to get validation that they’re attractive, desirable and worthy. They’ll cheat to get a confidence boost from somebody, because they’re greedy for more attention and more self-esteem boosts than you’re giving them.
14. They’re suddenly hanging out with their single friends a lot more often. We all have those single friends with a different lifestyle from ours. If your partner is suddenly hanging out with their single friends a lot, it could be because they miss that single lifestyle. And, if they miss singlehood, they might be considering cheating to get a taste of it again.
15. They’re gone more often or their schedule has changed. If your partner is a creature of habit or a big homebody and something changes, that could mean they’ve met someone who is motivating them to get out more often. All of this time out of the house may actually be spent with someone else.
16. He or she is always ‘busy’ but never tells you what they’re busy doing. Watch out for the ones who always say they’re busy, but never really specify with whom or what or why. The overly-mysterious tend to have something to hide.
17. When they don’t invite you to their work parties. Are you noticing a pattern of many “work functions” with no invite? Or, were you invited to their staff parties before, but not anymore? Maybe they’re into someone at work, and don’t want you there screwing up their flirting game.
18. They seem defensive or tense over simple questions. You: “Did you have lunch at that new place downtown? I’ve been wanting to check it out, what did you have to eat?” Partner: “Why are you always questioning me!?” Shit like that.
19. If your partner is receiving lots of texts from unsaved numbers or names you don’t recognize. One time I was being bad and texting another guy, but I saved his name as a made-up woman’s name to be sneaky. So, the question is, do you recognize the names? There’s usually¬¬ a skeptical reason for every new “Charlie”, “Casey” or “Jamie” that’s added into their phone as a new “guy” or “girl” friend from work. Beware of the new gender neutral names programmed into your partner’s phone. There’s also usually a reason a person doesn’t save a number. Just saying.
20. They’re deleting online fingerprints. Keeping a low profile online is a good part of cybersecurity, making it that much harder for hackers to get your vital information. However, if your partner is suddenly zealous about clearing their browser history, electronics history, signing out of email accounts, and emptying the trash bin on their computer, this could be a sign of trouble brewing. Again, it’s not so much what they’re doing as it’s a sudden change in pattern with no good explanation. Keep in mind that there are many ways to retrieve data, depending on the social media platform. If you are suspicious, do a little sleuthing or better yet, hire a professional to find out.