Every woman reading this should reflect right now on the dating patterns not only of themselves, but of their group of friends as well. Isn’t it perplexing that some women have amazing luck dating, and other women are almost always rejected by the men they pursue?

Some of my female friends have virtually never been single. The moment they are, a new great guy scoops them up. They not only have zero trouble landing a man, but they’re keeping their men interested, too.

Other female friends of mine are single by choice. They’re essentially never rejected. They date around, they’re wanted by many, and if anyone’s rejecting anyone, it’s them rejecting the men – rarely the other way around.

And then there’s the women who seem to always get rejected. These women might not be single by choice, and if they are, it’s only because of their fear of rejection. Their pattern seems to be that even if they do land a man, he’ll lose interest quickly. Or, they can’t even seem to get a man interested in them in the first place, as they’re always turned down when they attempt any sort of pursuit.

If this sounds like you, keep reading, because the solution to end this pattern of rejection might be simpler than you think. Here are 6 reasons why you’re always rejected by the men you’re interested in and what you can do about it:

1. You’re not giving the law of averages a chance to work its magic

In other words, you’re not putting yourself out there enough – not by a mile. If you’ve been rejected by men a bunch of times, and you’ve developed a fear of rejection, you might be avoiding the dating world all together.

The law of averages indicates that the more “no”s you experience, the closer you’ll get to a “yes”.  It’s the magic of probability. In other words, the more dates you go on that don’t work out, or the more times you’re rejected, the closer you are to finding someone that it does work out with.

If you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll remain far away from that coveted “yes”. Mr. Right isn’t going to come knocking on your door while you’re watching Stranger Things on Netflix, asking you if he can borrow a cup of sugar. Nobody does that anymore. Sorry, but you’ll actually have to go out, meet people, swipe right and be open to dating men who might not be your typical type. Just be open and out there, stop hiding, and it’ll happen.

2. You have a rejection attachment

If you’re used to being rejected and disregarded, you might unconsciously seek out rejection because it’s what you’re familiar with. If you’re seeking rejection without realizing it, you could have a psychological attachment to rejection.

When you identify yourself with disappointment, disapproval and rejection, you can develop what’s known as a rejection attachment. Some of the women reading this article are guilty of ignoring the men who are interested in them, and instead going after the men who don’t seem to be that interested. Perhaps this is proof of a rejection attachment. They know they’ll likely get turned down since the men they’re pursuing aren’t showing any signs of approval or interest towards them, but since rejection is what they know, they’re okay with it. They’re swimming in familiar territory, and it’s weirdly comfortable.

Women with a rejection attachment probably believe that they are undesirable, so they collect evidence that supports that belief. This evidence-gathering would of course include seeking out approval from those who aren’t willing to give them any sort of validation, and pursuing those who aren’t fully returning their affections.

3. Your attitude towards dating is generally quite negative

If you’ve had way too many horrible dating experiences to count, it can be tough to be optimistic about dating. Perhaps you’ve been dumped, cheated on, rejected, left for somebody ‘better’ and told you weren’t good enough so many times that you now have a negative attitude towards dating.

The problem with not being positive is that you won’t attract anything positive. You get what you give, so if you’re giving off a negative attitude when it comes to all things dating related, it’ll be picked up on – even if it’s subtle or subconscious.

The law of attraction rightfully suggests that any limiting beliefs towards dating or love are stopping you from attracting a mate. If you believe that you’re not good enough to be adored by someone, you will never be adored by someone. If you believe that you’ll be rejected, you’ll be rejected. Anytime you catch yourself thinking these negative beliefs, make sure to challenge them, because negativity is a bad habit that needs to be broken.

4. You have low self-esteem

Ok, you probably aren’t expecting this, but I’m about to quote Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers movie. You probably remember the part where he says “I eat because I’m unhappy …. and I’m unhappy because I eat. It’s a vicious cycle.” Well, the same goes for rejection. You have low self-esteem from being rejected … and you’re being rejected due to your low self-esteem. You can’t let that cycle continue.

Men are not attracted to women with low self-esteem and no self-confidence. Confidence and self-love are attractive qualities, and that’s the number one thing you need to work on if you want to find love. If you don’t think you’re a total catch, why would he think you are?

5. You’re either too needy or too independent

Nobody enjoys either extreme. Being too needy is terrible because nobody likes feeling as though you’re relying on them too much. It can be overwhelming for a man to think that he’s fully responsible for your happiness because you ‘need’ him and rely on him so much.

However, he wants to be needed a little bit. He probably doesn’t want you to be so independent that he can’t even show off a little and fix a problem for you because you always want to fix it yourself. He probably doesn’t want you to be so independent that you care way too little, and aren’t effected by anything.

6. You’re picking the wrong men

Don’t pursue a guy who has someone else in the picture. Before you pursue a guy, it’s best to get all the details when it comes to how ‘single’ he really is. If he’s not over his ex-girlfriend, he’s very recently single or the woman he really wants turned him down, it’s best think twice about dating this guy.

It’s pretty difficult to get a guy to commit to you if there’s someone else he’s thinking about. Make sure he’s single, unattached and available in every way first. Ask around, and ask him. Straight up.

It’s best to go after a guy who’s available in every sense of the word. Seek men who are open to a relationship, healthy and happy. Don’t pick the wrong men, and don’t let them pick you.

Erica Gordon is the author of the popular new dating advice book Aren’t You Glad You Read This? The Complete How-To Guide for Singles with a History of Failed Relationships Who Want their Next Relationship to Succeed, available for only $4.99 on Amazon, iBooks and on PDF here.

One Response

  1. sid.london@hotmail.co.uk'

    “Seek men who are open to a relationship, healthy and happy.”

    This only works if you look good. I never met anyone who ticked all three boxes and actually wanted me in return. After 30, all the men who are sane, healthy and actually want a relationship, are already taken. I get hit on my married men all the time, I get hit on by men who are in abusive relationships all the time, I get hit on by men who are single but want kids (I can’t have them) all the time. But never any that are single, sane(ish) and interested in me. I’ve been on my own for years now after dating several men I had no attraction to (just because they were the only ones I could get). I’m starting to give up hope. And most of my life goals required a partner, so I’m stuck.

    The ones that are in abusive relationships are the worst. They use you as a free therapist, you get to see their bruises and black eyes when their narcissist wife hits them or throws things, you hear the wife insult them in front of you for years on end, destroy their confidence, demand they hand over their money or buy them things until the man is broke, and yet the men still choose the abuse because the wife is prettier. She’ll be prettier until she hits 50 and gets old. Then the husband will finally leave and date the women he overlooked before. I’ve seen it time and time again.

    But by then, those of us who were forced to spend our lives alone are middle aged and what’s the point of starting your life in your 50s? It’s too late to start a family (I wanted adopted or step kids to watch growing up in my 20s/30s). You no longer have the same energy to do all of the activities you wanted to share with a partner when you were younger. You have no long life of shared memories to sustain you through the older years (I’ll never remember seeing his body when he was 30, I’ll never think back to when he was more energetic and carefree, I’ll never think back to all the time we spent together doing crazy ‘firsts’). He will have all memories of all those things with another woman. A younger woman that I can never compete with. And I’ll have done all those things on my own. By then it’s too late.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.