We all have certain qualities that we look for in a significant other. Sometimes when we’re dating someone new, it can quickly become obvious that a prospect does not possess one or more of these desired traits. Depending on how serious it is, this can sometimes be a deal-breaker.

That being said, given the non-negotiables you look for in a partner – would you date yourself? Perhaps you don’t self-promote the qualities you cherish – in which case, when the microscope is reversed, perhaps you would not date yourself.

The bad news is, if you wouldn’t date yourself, you may have trouble finding a quality partner who wants to date you. The good news?  It’s never too late to fully address any flaws you wish to improve upon, or attributes you lack which are keeping you from fully loving yourself and achieving self-actualization. Once achieved, I’m sure you’d love to date yourself!

My best recommendation to move forward starts with creating a list of qualities you look for in a partner, but may still be working on yourself. Once you’ve created this list, muster up the determination needed to make some realistic changes in your life, then decide exactly what those changes will be, and lay out a fool-proof plan on how to achieve them. Sounds easy, right?

Here are 10 common examples of qualities you may be expecting in a romantic prospect, but may need to further develop in yourself first:

  1. Being Established Professionally – Having a good career that you’re passionate about is attractive, there’s no doubt about it.
  2. Being Honest – Being open, upfront and honest is not always easy, but it’s extremely valued.
  3. Being Down To Earth – It’s nice when someone is easy-going and not overly high maintenance.
  4. Being Classy – Generally, strive to be respectable and respectful.
  5. Having Ambition – You are driven. You have goals and actual plans to implement them.
  6. Having Affairs In Order– A fancy way of saying you have your shit together.
  7. Being Faithful – You have the integrity not to scratch that itch!
  8. NOT Being a Total Flirt or a “Player” – Many people think it’s OK to act this way as long as they’re single – but it’s not exactly charming – so think again, and stay classy.
  9. Being Mature – It takes maturity to know how to treat someone right. For example, mature people don’t play games or lead people on.
  10. Having General Integrity – You can be counted on.

Your top 10 list might be slightly different than the above – but the important thing is, a new relationship is a clean slate.

Asking yourself if you self-promote the top 10 qualities you appreciate in a significant other is a great way to self-reflect.  Plus, we don’t want to be hypocrites right? Strive to be the best you you can be, and implement some changes. After all, you’ll probably love the new you – and so will Mr. or Mrs. Right!

This article, written by Erica Gordon, was originally published on the Plentyoffish Blog


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