After an amazing first, second or third date with someone, how important is it to keep the momentum going from that point forward? Enter the Momentum Theory of dating.

The Momentum Theory suggests that the first several dates should be in close succession to each other in order to better your chances of keeping your prospect interested, and that contact in between dates should be consistent.  Think of it this way: Things are running hot for those first 5 dates. But, if you kill the momentum by waiting too many days to check in via text, or by not calling, or by not planning another date – you’re killing all those good vibes. Things might have been running hot, but he or she is about to go cold on your ass because you’re not keeping him or her interested. Also, if you have a great date and you don’t keep in touch for days or weeks and then try to worm your way back . . . you’re a special kind of asshole.

It doesn’t matter if you’re casually dating or not, these types of things are always appreciated if not expected. Remember that effort is sexy and someone who doesn’t put effort in (like …. can’t even send a text to check in? Which takes all of 30 seconds?) isn’t going to come across as someone we want to waste our time with.

Keep the momentum going strong, because not only will this mentality better your chances with him or her, but it is also the best way to truly get to know someone and to keep someone thinking highly of you.

This means that we should not wait too long to plan the next date, and we should also aim to maintain consistent contact with a prospect in between dates. A slow progression or intermittent lulls of no contact in between dates can potentially kill your chances with someone. That means that you politely and considerately reach out and check in at least every couple of days. If you want it to eventually turn into something, or even if you want to just keep banging, then you must keep the momentum going from the beginning. This does not mean you have to rush anything – you simply want to take things at a steady pace.


While it is acceptable to go slow, moving too slowly can have adverse effects.

Yours is likely a city full of beautiful and smart singles. What comes with that is a lot of nonchalant attitudes. In other words, we sometimes lack a sense of urgency in our dating behavior. We often do not see the need for momentum and progression, which stems from the effects of having a plethora of options. However, if you want to ensure that you do not lose someone interesting, follow these tips on how to keep the momentum going in your dating life:

Adopt a sense of urgency

A ‘sense of urgency’ when applied to dating means that you act with the realization that progressing the relationship forward is vital to the success of that relationship. Since millennials are often very focused on driving their careers forward, they simply need to manifest that same drive when it comes to their romantic relationships or romantic prospects.

Rather than assuming no effort is needed to keep someone interested, instead we should assume the opposite: That not being on the ball can result in you getting kicked off the court. The proverbial ‘ball’ is being dropped every time you wait 4, 5, 6 or more days to reach out. If someone you’re dating was the last person to text, or was the last person to initiate contact, that means the ball is officially in your court – and the clock is ticking.

The first several dates should be close together

The first several dates should be spaced close together in an effort to keep the momentum going. It’s best to actually plan the next date at the end of your current date. Do that, and you’re golden. Keep in mind that the second date should not take place more than two weeks after the first date. If the first date went exceptionally well, the best thing you can do is lock in a second date soon after. The following dates should all be spaced as close together as possible, so dates 3, 4, 5 and 6 should be in pretty close succession.

If we do not keep the momentum going, the initial butterflies we felt can lose their effect. The chemistry we feel on a first date needs to be maintained with a second date, third date, fourth date and fifth date in close succession.

To be more specific, once we start spacing our dates with a prospect two weeks or longer apart, the momentum with that person can be lost and is sometimes never regained. If we are fortunate enough to be able to pick right back up where we left off, that’s great – and it’s awesome if you are able to rekindle that chemistry – but you are making it much more difficult for yourself if you slow the momentum down.

Keep momentum going through text messages or voice notes

Sending a text message every few days checking in and saying hello is a great way to keep the momentum going, thus keeping a prospect interested in between dates.

Similar to how waiting longer too long to lock in your next date is detrimental, waiting too long in between text messages can damage the relationship, too.

Moving too fast is not the goal. The goal is simply not to move too slowly. There is a happy medium which will be different for everyone. However, the standard rule is that going longer than 5-7 days without texting someone you are interested in will send the wrong message and raise a bright red flag. You’ll look like an asshole, and a real man or a real woman doesn’t want to sleep with, talk to or be with an asshole. If you just realized that it has been more than 5 days since you sent a text or voice note, you can try apologizing or explaining and see what happens.

Lock down your next date well in advance

We all have busy schedules, and sometimes failing to anticipate how busy someone’s calendar might be could be the cause of the momentum slowing down.

The best thing to do is to take initiative and say “Are you free next Saturday night?” Giving someone a week’s notice means they can likely save that evening for you. This is much more effective than the lazy courtship where you passively wait until the weekend rolls around – only to find out he or she already has plans. Women definitely appreciate it when a man takes initiative like this, however women should not hesitate in taking that initiative themselves from time to time.

Keep the momentum going while online dating, too

Momentum is important for your success on dating apps like PlentyOfFish or Tinder, too. If you leave a message unanswered for too long, or message back and forth with someone for too long without asking them out on a first date, momentum can be lost. When it comes to online dating, usually if momentum is lost, it is quite hard to regain.

Remember: If you snooze, you just might lose. Nothing good ever comes to us easily, so put some effort into your dating life!

This article is an excerpt from Erica Gordon’s book Aren’t You Glad You Read This? The Complete How-To Guide for Singles with a History of Failed Relationships Who Want their Next Relationship to Succeed, available for only $4.99 on Amazon and on iBooks here.


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