Are there any gentlemen out there who need their daily insight into the minds of women? Let me tell you something: Your actions in between dates matter just as much as the date itself. What are the expectations when it comes to texting between dates, for example? How often are you expected to communicate in between dates?
One thing is for sure: Very little communication between dates is a red flag, and it’s also a turn off.
There are two things my female readers on The Babe Report complain about the most when it comes to dating. One is, of course, not being taken out on a real date. The other even more common complaint is that the guy they’re seeing doesn’t text them often enough, and fails at texting between dates. Your next date might not be for a week, but if you think going a week without texting is cool beans, think again.
You need to text between dates because many people have anxiety if this communication in between dates is lacking. Especially texting between first and second date. If you want there to be a second date, you have to keep the momentum going. You can’t just go silent in between dates.
Texting between dates is easy, and it can make or break everything. Why? Because she might lose interest in you, and become more interested in someone who is texting between dates and checking in between dates.
Check out this article from an experienced counselor on how to effectively communicate in a relationship (or budding relationship) to get the best results.
Texting Between Dates is Crucial to Keep Someone Interested
Us ladies often feel that the best of both worlds would be meeting a man who takes us on real dates and consistently checks in with us and sends texts in between those dates.
Texting between dates helps us have faith that you’re able to focus on us even when you’re not with us, and not get distracted by other options when we aren’t around. This doesn’t mean that we’ll say ‘see-ya-never’ to a guy who doesn’t text between dates, it just means that if a guy who does both comes along, he’ll probably win our interest and kick whoever dropped the ball back to the bench.
You see, by not checking in with her via text, phone calls or WhatsApp messages in between dates, you are dropping the ball. You could lose her interest. She could lose her attraction to you if you fail at texting between dates. The momentum could be lost. Even if you’re keeping it casual, do you really think she’ll stay interested in hooking up if you disappear for a week sans communication and suddenly reappear?
We know that any guy who’s into us won’t be putting the breaks on, and will be texting between dates if he’s interested. So, if we get that start-stop vibe from you, we’ll just go and find someone else to hook up with who’s a little more appreciative of what they have (both in the bedroom and at dinner). If you connect with someone (in bed, on dates, via conversation – you know what I mean) then don’t take it for granted, fool. (Sorry, I’ve always wanted to say that.)
It reminds me of the time I went on a working vacation for six months and left my car parked on the street. When I got home, of course I hoped my car would still start (and drive OK) but I knew that if it didn’t start, it would be my own damn fault. In the dating world, the battery might die you leave things for six days – forget about months. And if you don’t really care, then why the hell are you dating her? You care. And if your intermittent lulls of no contact in between dates are a form of self-sabotage, check yourself before you ruin a good thing. I don’t think you want her interest in you to fizzle or completely die out. An article shouldn’t have to be written about this, but since lack of communication between dates has killed so many men’s chances, it seems an explanation was due. Here are 5 dating scenarios with tips on what you should be doing in between dates to keep her interested:
1. When the date was fun, but you don’t want things to move too fast or get serious
Even if you don’t want things to move too fast or get serious, it’s still important to keep the momentum going in between dates. Lots of guys will purposely not text (for days or weeks) in an effort to keep things casual, or to keep things moving at a slower pace. That’s illogical and you’ll end up pissing her off to the point that you won’t have to worry about keeping things casual – you’ll have to worry about keeping her in your life at all.
You see, women like to hook up -but not with guys who are keeping us guessing with their obscure communication efforts. We like to hook up with guys who are into us, who think about us often enough to send a text every few days. When a guy doesn’t contact us for significant lulls, we’ll assume he’s not that into it, and that’s not a turn on for us. Casual or serious – that rule still remains the same.
Texting all day everyday is how things move too fast. However, sending a text to check in with her once every few days sends the right message. It says, “I’m interested, I’m attracted, but I’m not looking to be your insta-boyfriend.” You can be a little flirty, send a few messages back and forth, and then say you have to go. The most important thing to note is that texting a couple times per week isn’t going to progress things too quickly, it’ll just make sure things at least progress a little bit instead of letting her go cold on you. It doesn’t matter how slow you’re taking things, because no matter what she’ll still want attention from you.
2. When you leave the date feeling confident that she’s into you
It’s great that you feel confident that she’s into you, but doesn’t she deserve that same validation? If you feel so sure she’s interested, that means she’s been doing everything right. She’s been texting you, showing interest in between dates, and showing interest (and being affectionate) during dates, too.
Just because she’s made her interest clear, doesn’t meant you should get to sit back and relax knowing you’ve got her. Nope. Effort is still required. You should be initiating contact in between dates and showing your interest as well. If she notices that she’s been doing a lot of the initiating when it comes to texting or calling, she’ll probably pass the ball to you, sit back and wait to see if you’re actually in this thing. It’s been ingrained in our heads that women shouldn’t pursue men, so please start doing the pursuing. (I’ve had a few exes tell me that the reason it didn’t work out was because I started pursuing them, and I was no longer a challenge. I have my reasons for believing that women shouldn’t pursue men, but if you disagree, feel free to leave a message for me in the comments.)
Anyways, it’s probably about time you picked up the phone and checked in with her. Better yet, pick up the phone and set up your next date so that she knows you want to see her again. Communication in between dates isn’t that hard, guys. You got your foot in the door, now it’s time to to make sure the door doesn’t get slammed on your foot and close for good.
3. Text between dates even if you already have another date lined up
If a guy I’m currently on a date with takes the initiative to set up our next date while currently on a date with me I get pretty turned on. That type of gentlemanly maturity is pretty hot. The scenario would be this: He drops me off and before I get out of his car (or the cab) he’s telling me his upcoming schedule and asking me which night would work to see me again. I’m RSVPing yes, boy, because you just got me hook line and sinker.
It makes us ladies feel so good knowing when we’re seeing you next. It lets us chill out a little. When we’re attracted to a guy, sometimes anxiety can creep in if we don’t know when we’re seeing you next – and that’s not fun. We’d rather sit easy knowing we’ve got another date night locked in. However, should you still text between dates? Yes, but not as much texting is required if we already know when we’re seeing you next. For example, one text about a day or two after the date, and another text a day or two before the next one (just to confirm plans) is more than enough. When we know the date we’re seeing you next, we don’t require as much maintenance in between.
4. When this is going to be the last date before you go away on some big work trip
If you know that you won’t be going on another date with her anytime soon due to work, a vacation, a work trip, a family reason or otherwise – be sure to let her know. Keep her in the loop, because even if she’s not your official girlfriend, it’s still the polite thing to do.
The question is, do you have to text her while you’re away? She’s probably not expecting you to, but you’d impress her if you did. Remember that you probably will want to see her when you’re back in town, so it might be worth your while to make sure she doesn’t forget about you. Send one or two texts per week while you’re away and that’s enough to keep you on her radar. Texting her first is a must. When she thinks you’re away, unavailable or busy, she’s not going to want to bother you. She’d prefer to let you reach out when you can.
5. When the date went well, but you aren’t sure how interested you are quite yet
Hey, I personally do get where you’re coming from. It’s totally cool if you’re not sure how into me you are quite yet. I already know I’ll charm my way in eventually – and there’s no rush. When you’ve been on a few dates with someone and you leave things on a positive note (yet still unsure of how you feel about her) it’s still important to keep the momentum going in between dates by keeping in contact.
I get that in this type of scenario, you might not want to commit to another date just yet, but by sending a text or a WhatsApp voice note every few days just to check in, you’re at least not going to lose her interest. I’m not suggesting you keep her on the hook – that’s not what you’re doing. If there’s any interest, it’s worth exploring and it’s not worth losing. You’re not guilty of keeping her on the hook unless you’ve been on enough dates with her to know there’s no viable interest and you’re just stringing her along for the sex.
How many dates should you give it before you make a decision on where you stand? It takes months to get to know someone, so I’d say months. But if you do decide it’s a no-go, please just tell her. That whole ghosting is so over.
Sorry, I don’t agree with texting here an there once in a few days.
If he’s not contacting me every day, I’m out.
Plain and simple. Better to realize early on that he’s not that interested, rather than waste my time wondering if he’s interested or not.
Completely agree. In experiencing this as we speak and it’s driving me nuts. Leaves me guessing which isn’t fun, and makes me inclined to think they’re not that bothered so I hang back until and then don’t bother either.
Yes Deb, but the anxi2of not knowing is what gets you hooked. If a guy is too easy, you may begin to lose interest. Women like a challenge, and if the man is too easily won over, you get bored. Never take dating advice from a woman. You guys don’t know what you’re emotionally attracted to.
OMG! I swear I am going through this right now. We had a great first date. I texted that I hated the night ended. He replied with, “Oh! It’s not the end! There will be plenty more dates!”
But I haven’t heard from him since. And it is driving me crazy. If I don’t hear from him by Sunday (It will be a whole week) Sadly, I will just take my L in silence before my Miami getaway with my girlfriends.
You lost all credibility with me once you threw in that personal story about how exes told you that they lost interest once you started pursuing them because you weren’t “a challenge”. Clearly, you date dipshits. You were in a relationship with these guys, not on Survivor, hence, there shouldn’t be any “challenges”. The minute I realize a girl is looking for a “challenge”, she can kick rocks. What are we like 12? PS: Guys ghost girls. Girls ghost guys. I’m sure gay guys and gay girls ghost each other too. As long as there are online dating sites and it’s human beings that are using them, there will be ghosting. Why? People are cowards.
I don’t agree. Between the first 3 dates, I like to plan dates and that’s it. Too much texting is a huge turn off for me.
As a guy, I don’t text between dates because it’s sends the message the guy is desperate and women don’t like desperate guys. Unless we are in a relationship, it’s not necessary.
It’s now April 2020 and I’m wondering if you’re in a relationship? If you don’t text between dates, there’s a reason. You think you know what women want and you aren’t listening. We’re clearly telling you we DO want them.
YES! I totally agree with you. Texting in between or any type of communication is very important.
Because women do not know what they want. Period.
Leaving a woman unsure about where things are going raises her attraction, not lowering it—this is a scientific fact.
Giving men dumb advice such as “check in everyday” gives women more power and—I guarantee you—kills attraction.
Sure and you also want the guy come under your window playing serenades with a rose in the mouth.
99% of women don’t even understand what make them attracted to someone yet they love to spare advices.
If you haven’t built much rapport yet with someone, you have 1000 times more chances to turn her off trying to banter or engage in small talks than if you don’t text. If we barely know each other and that the date is set in the near future, she won’t hear a peep from me until then for 2 reasons. One, I’m a busy guy and not interested in endless chit chats over the phone, two, it will make the cut between girls with confidence and healthy self esteem and the needy insecure ones from the start; If a girl blows me off for not texting her between dates, that’s still a win for me because I spared myself from dating a fruit loop
I do not want them. YOU want them…not all women.
Well that’s deep shit. Have you read the article? It’s about the right balance of texting or calls. I think it’s desperate to think it’s desperate…
Totally agree – men who think not texting between dates is fine are kidding themselves… and probably only attracting low self esteem women who think that’s acceptable! Haha
I don’t think it needs to be every day and doesn’t ALL need to come from the guy but if he doesn’t initiate at least half of chats I’m turned off.
Equally, I think the regularity of contact needs to be consistent. Consistency is SO KEY. More key than how often you get in touch. If you start out messaging me numerous times a day and chatting away about whatever is happening I’ll get used to that level of contact- so then if you suddenly after 3 weeks go quiet for even a couple of days I’ll think somethings off…and assume you’ve gone off me. So I think best to either be consistent or communicate you’ve got a serious work deadline/family situation – whatever. Just keep us in the loop!! Coz changing your approach is disconcerting.
Yes Deb, but the anxiety of not knowing is what gets you hooked. If a guy is too easy, you may begin to lose interest. Women like a challenge, and if the man is too easily won over, you get bored. Never take dating advice from a woman. You guys don’t know what you’re emotionally attracted to.
This was a well written article! So many people who restart dating don’t even know the rules, this just makes starting over even harder!
It’s a fact that communications matter because what’s the point of dating if you’ll be bored to death when you are with them, right?
While communication styles are unique to each individual I would say I am exactly where this author is in terms of dating preferences. I like when the guy initiates a text or call every few days in between dates. If I hear nothing I naturally think he’s not that interested or he’s looking for casual hookup type of thing. I also don’t put all the work on him. I will reach out to say hi and ask how he’s doing while we’re apart. I find when a guy shows effort by communicating periodically and plans the next date a few days in advance I’m very turned on. I don’t need hard to get because life is hard enough as it is. If someone (male, female or other) loses interest it’s because you two were not compatible, not because you weren’t challenging enough.