If you’re dating someone who keeps you guessing and is hard to get to know because they’re mysterious, rather than open and authentic, the relationship won’t feel genuine at all. You’ll never know where you stand. You’ll be ridden with anxiety. Plus, no real connection or bond can be formed with the mysterious type, which ultimately leads to a lack of chemistry and a failed relationship. You can definitely voice your concerns, encourage him or her to be more open, or explain that you’re attracted to people who don’t keep you guessing and instead show their emotions — but if that doesn’t work, you may want to cut your losses. Here are 8 reasons why you should never date the mysterious type:

1. You’ll always feel like you’re in the dark, wondering and worrying. You’ll never know what he’s thinking, or where you stand. Dating the mysterious type is a constant mind f*ck and a continuous guessing game. You’ll never be sure of where you stand with him, and you’ll never really know what he’s thinking or how he feels. Because he seems to be so stubbornly closed-off, you won’t exactly feel comfortable asking either. It may be time to cut your losses and go meet someone more open.

2. It can only ever be a pseudo-relationship. A pseudo-relationship is the same thing as an almost-relationship, a situationship, or having an almost-boyfriend. When someone doesn’t really let you in, you might be intrigued at first, but eventually you realize it’s preventing the two of you from having a legitimate, honest relationship. With the mystery man, you’re more likely to only have a surface-level relationship, and you’re doomed to forever remain in that grey area.

3. He’ll be frustratingly passive. The quiet mystery man most likely won’t feel confident voicing his opinion or being direct with you. Any chance he gets, he’ll take the passive route instead of the direct route. Women love dating direct men because they’re transparent and speak their mind, which makes dating them easy instead of complicated and stressful.

4. You won’t get to share his milestones with him. If you’re dating someone, you likely want to be kept in-the-know when it comes to the trials and tribulations of his life. You’ll want him to call you when he gets fantastic news, and you’ll also want him to tell you when something bad happens. The mystery man likely keeps all that information (good and bad) to himself, instead of opening up and sharing his milestones with you. He probably knows you care enough that you’d want to hear about it, yet he remains private. The result? A pretty shitty relationship. The personality trait of being too private or too mysterious is your worst enemy when it comes to dating.

5. You won’t feel encouraged to share your milestones with him. You might get super exciting news or sad news that you’ll feel you can’t share with him. But why can’t you? It’s not that you can’t share the news with him, it’s more that you won’t want to because you get the vibe he won’t care. Considering he isn’t open enough to share stories with you, you’ll feel hesitant to share yours with him – and that’s pretty discouraging.

6. Your conversations with him will lack engagement and depth. The mysterious, closed-off man will often fail to be engaged in a conversation with you. Conversations with him will feel one-sided because while you might be open to having a deep conversation or sharing something significant, he won’t want to do the same. Who wants to date someone who has poor conversational skills or lacks depth? Girl. You can do better.

7. Passion will be scarce. We all want our man to show us a little passion from time to time. It doesn’t have to be an everyday thing, but if one day he pulls you into his arms and spins you while excitedly telling you how great he thinks you are, that’s notable. That type of gesture is awesome, actually. The problem with the mysterious type is that he doesn’t feel comfortable showing emotion, so he therefore won’t feel comfortable showing passion or executing grand gestures. Translation? Don’t expect any above-and-beyond effort or candlelit dinners.

8. You’ll never really feel a close connection with him. The connection and the chemistry might both be present, but if you can’t get him to open up you’ll never build a solid connection with him. If he won’t let you get to know him, or if he doesn’t really want you to get to know him, you’ll never feel the close bond that amazing relationships are built on.

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