Felicia commented on The Babe Report’s article 6 Reasons That Prove Mixed Signals Do Not Exist with the following question that I’m sure many readers can related to:
I have this male friend whom I known him for many years. He was a really good friend until he confessed [his feelings for me] to me many years ago. I rejected him right away thinking we were best friends.
However, when I saw him again after that, I felt something different… I can feel there is chemistry between us.
The thing is, he will message me once a week or so, he even bought me birthday present and messaged me privately on my birthday…When we hang out and people asked about our status he will just replied [that I am only his] “friend”. I was pretty hurt to hear that but I pretend to act normal…
I [want to] to ask him about our status but I am afraid this will jeopardize our current friendship. Is he into me? or just being friendly???
I was hurt badly in a serious relationship and afraid to be hurt again…
The main points of Felicia’s problem that resonated with me were:
1. She is hurt that someone who she thought had feelings for her is introducing her as just a friend
2. She wants to ask him what their status is, the token “what are we? What direction is this headed in?” question, but she is nervous that asking will jeopardize what they do have together.
3. She was hurt before and remembers what that felt like. She does not want to feel that pain again.
Because the two of you have not yet discussed what your status is, this man may feel no choice but to introduce you has his friend for now. When a man is interested in a woman romantically, he will usually mark his territory and introduce her as his Lady not as his friend. However, in your situation a conversation about your status needs to take place first, especially since you initially rejected him.
Having a conversation about your status, often referred to as “The Talk” is probably causing you a lot of anxiety. While experiencing dating uncertainty, having the talk seems like a great way to solve the anxiety, but it also causes stress. There are a lot of reasons why the talk makes women uncomfortable:
- Women often get upset waiting for the man they are dating to initiate the talk. They wish that he would initiate instead of them having to.
- Many women feel that bringing up the “what are we? What direction is this headed in?” questions can scare a man away and jeopardize what they have with that man.
- The fear of rejection can hold women back from ever asking. Ignorance is bliss.
Although there are many reasons having the talk about your status is stressful, Felicia, you should still bite the bullet and bring this topic up. Women waste a lot of time with a man they are going nowhere with because they are too nervous to bring up the status topic. Even if talking about your status with a man sends him running for the hills, it’s still better than wondering and waiting. It’s better to just know. Every woman who waits too long to ask wishes she had asked earlier.
As far as being afraid to be hurt again: When you get knocked down, you’ll still get up again. Being hurt is part of the process, but you will be ok even if you do get hurt. Sometimes being hurt a few times is required on the path to happiness and love.
I hope this helps,